Author: Derek Chatwood

Jesus Christ
Positives: Impressive stamina. Historically known for taking a beating, staying on his feet. Has history of miraculous resurrection.
Negatives: Invented Pacifism. Dangerous habit of turning the other cheek.

Charles Darwin
Positives: Invented Natural Selection. Understands what’s at stake with “Survival of the Fittest”.
Negatives: Theology student, nearly became an Anglican parson. Mixed feelings punching his Lord’s Only Son and Savior in the face.

They hadn’t had a party in such a long time. So when the Deaths arrived, it was a singular embarrassment. Edna was mortified. “Who invited them,” she hissed. She yanked Harvey from his cigars and into the living room. “Look at them,” she exclaimed. “How did they get in here?” Harvey swore he did not let them in. Edna shook her finger under his nose, insisted he must have. “They’re always invited,” she chided. “They have to be.” He shook his head again no. “Well if you didn’t invite them, who-” Edna froze. Harvey always was a little dim, but when he saw the fear in her eyes, he knew it too.

When they reached Alice’s room, they could already hear voices. The Deaths were there, sitting on the bed, talking to her. Harvey puffed his chest, pulled on his belt and demanded they leave. “It’s ok, Daddy,” Alice whispered. Mrs. Death was holding her hand, just below the IV. “Alice honey,” Edna pleaded. “They aren’t supposed to be here. You aren’t supposed to talk to them.” Alice tried to say something, but she had to catch her breath. After a while, she spoke. “I want to talk to them,” she whispered. Edna felt Harvey’s hand clasp hers. “They’re supposed to be here now,” Alice said. “I invited them.”

Edna and Harvey each kissed Alice. Mrs. Death told Edna she thought it was a wonderful party. Harvey closed the door behind them. They stood silently in the hall, until the conversation was too quiet to hear, and wept.

Dad, did dinosaurs really exist?
Sure they did, son. The Bible says so. They didn’t call them “dinosaurs” back then, but instead they were known as “leviathans” or “behemoths”.
But, my science teacher says dinosaurs lived millions of years ago. Is that true?
Of course not, son.
Then how old are they?
Well, let’s see. The Bible tells us [from Adam and Eve’s family tree] that the Universe is only a few thousand years old. So dinosaurs had to have lived within the past few thousand years. That’s simple logic, son.
Oh. So that means they were on Noah’s Ark?
Absolutely! The Bible says two of every animal were brought [by God] to the ark. Dinosaurs were animals. So, using your logic again son, dinosaurs had to be on the ark.
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Cthulhu was from the other place, the dark place. It was the demon that demons feared, a god before gods were. A pulpy, tentacled grotesque, it devoured worlds and realities with a malignant hunger. Cthulhu was beyond scale and measures, willing to take any shape, inhabit any flesh vessel to feed. When it found such an opening, a tiny fissure between realities, it surged through with terrible, maddening speed.

And then promptly fell over.

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She felt her knuckle dislocate. Some of her ribs were cracked, or broken. A few of her teeth loosened, her jaw was on fire, and something not good was going on with her eye. Didn’t matter, she thought; almost done. The man beneath her had stopped struggling, a wet mess where his face once was. She hit him again anyway.

The second man lay, near fetal, in the bushes by the car. A low choking gurgle came from something, not his mouth. She would tell the police that she remembered nothing. They had slipped her something, she would say, and it made her black out. Her friends and family, she would tell them the same thing. After the bar, it was a complete blank.

Of course she would remember. She always remembered.

Reliable beauty, lots of personality. Original interior (no seriously!). rebuilt oxygen generator, back seat doubles as cryo-sleep unit for long hauls. Originally in-atmo only, she was converted to trans-galactic flight mid 22nd century. Technically still planet-capable, depending on atmo density. But I wouldn’t recommend re-entry before getting the belly plates checked out (she’s been deep space only for last century point five.) Minor micro-meteorite damage on trunk, manual overdrive sticks sometimes at 3x translight.

Nav system is old school voice activated, only answers to “Beverley”, or “Bev”. Which is weird, because it wasn’t programmed for that. Like I said, lots of personality. Price is firm, but some wiggle to right owner. She wants to fly.

The Star Warriors. 
Fast Times at Airplane!